Flight 93

Last night I did NOT watch the Bachelor. Somehow I found myself into the A and E movie Flight 93. It was too weird watching it. It all seemed so real again. I don't see how those who were a part (lost loved ones) of 9/11 were able to watch. It was a tear jerker for me so I just can't imagine being someone like Lisa Beamer. WOW!!! My hat goes off to the families left behind to pick up the pieces of their lives and try to carry on w/out their husbands, wives, children, siblings, or anyone they loved. I admire you for your strength!!! God bless you all!

Let's see..... I haven't had too much going on that I want to share. It seems like it has been a good year so far. I only hope it continues to be this good. February is finally upon us. I am thankful b/c that means that Spring is only about 6 short weeks away. You know what that means? Chickens will be hatching!!! Yep, new birth always comes about. Animals were getting their groove on in the winter.... .hee hee! Where you????? I don't kiss and tell so you will never know!!!

My parents are talking about coming to see me in April. Looks like I better make several appointments w/ my great ol' counselor. I need to book before they arrive and after their departure! I love them! I really do.... in my own weird way.

Before I close, I want to talk about my special friend! She is only more special everday. I don't know, it's all strange to me. Usually (I hope this doesn't scare her) I tend to get so close and then push away b/c of trust issues. Not the case w/ her. I don't know what it is. She is pretty amazing.
There is one thing that scares me. I am afraid that life will easily come between us. You know how that can happen so easily w/ friends. At some point, we will be in different places (not physically). I only hope that means she can help me through it and be thankful that hers have moved on successfully. She can then realize that she really was an amazing mother. I just can't imagine not knowing her. For those of you reading this, no, we aren't gay, we are just like sisters!!!! Only, I think she is MUCH better than a sister b/c we don't have that silent competition that sisters can sometimes have. I love you my precious friend!!!! Hugs and kisses to you!

Well, I am watching my two wonderful puppies play right now. They make me soooooo happy when it could have otherwise been a tough day. If you don't own a puppy, you need to! There is nothing like the unconditional love of a dog! It is great!

Well kids, I am off to listen to the end of the State of the Union! Oh Bush!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Tomorrow is HUMP day! Happy HUMP day.
J

Soulmate?

Well, I have been watching more episodes of Sex and the City tonight. I just wonder the same question they all wondered. Is there such a thing as a soulmate? I never really did believe in them. Not sure I ever will. They all had a good point. There can be many people out there in this crazy world that you could be with and it would work great...... hhhmmmm?!%$#@. Makes ya wonder doesn't it? Do you believe?

I have managed somehow to be really busy these past two weeks. I can't complain b/c outside of working, I have had some great fun and nice retail therapy!!! That will need to slow down soon.

I was thinking today about really pessamistic ppl that I know. I have one person in particular that I am thinking of. She absolutely wears me out. I know there are days when everyone gets down, but ppl who live their entire life like that... MY WORD!!!! I am pretty sure there are some good prescription drugs out there for that. Heck, I am sure there are some pretty good non prescription drugs for that as well ; )

The car was put the car in the shop today to get fixed. Some ppl..... goodness. Perhaps my expectations of ppl are too high. However, when a business calls your home and says that all things are a go, and I can bring in the car b/c my rental will be ready, I believe them. I arrived around 11 a.m. It was 2 1/2 hours later that I drove away from there. Fun times!! I had to break out my skills in order to get exactly what I needed. Gotta rely on the girls sometimes!!!

There are a million things I should be doing right now instead of this. I will begin those things soon. I must start cleaning this poor little house before I loose myself in it!!!!

Hey! Tomorrow is Friday everyone. We made it through another work week!!!!

TGIF!
JB

You can't tame the untammable

That is a quote that I heard recently and it really caught my attention.
You know, it is great to be 30! It is a very liberating age. I look so forward to the next phase of my life and whatever it may bring about. I just know that it will be very imperative to my future.
I HAD A GREAT WEEKEND! Well, mostly! I did babysit A LOT but after that, it was great.

I spent some quality time w/ my dear friend. We had an absolute blast. I don't know....we just got a lot out. You know, shooting the bull type talk. It just seems to do more for me than counseling!!! And, she's cheaper too! ; ) I am spoiled now b/c I saw her a lot and we had a lot of time to really really talk. We spent time with another one of our friends too. We all went to see Machpoint. It was good, but a little disturbing. I just thought my time w/ my friends this weekend was extremely beneficial!
Friend, if you read this: You mean to the world to me. I couldn't make it w/out you. Where have you been all of my life? I only hope I give to you what you seem to give to me! I trust that I do and want it to be equal.

Moving on. It finally rained here this weekend and that was really nice. I happened to be out in it when it all blew through. I didn't seem to mind it one bit b/c I was warm and cozy. It was lightening and we haven't really seen much of that lately!! It seemed to have been pretty magical, but I suppose it was just b/c it has been a while since we have had a nice storm like that!

I was able to enjoy a nice hot tub this weekend as well. That is always fun on a cold winter night. It was really warm. I think it was 104 degrees in that water! Yikes. It is always great to have a cold drink near by when the water is that warm. I also got to enjoy a nice cigar. It had been a while since I've had one of those.

Well...... I don't have a ton more to add. I need to get back to my T.V. shows.

Oh... one more thing: I would have to say for sure that I am much more like Carrie on Sex and the City than I am like Charolette. If you thought of me as Charolette, then you really don't know me at all. I have made it to season 4 and look forward to watching the rest of the seasons!

Enjoy your evening~
J

Why do I say yes?

I am babysitting.... o.k... that's cool. These are some precious kids, but I am beat down tired.
I will be here again all day tomorrow.... blah blah blah.
The baby is adorable and his sister is cute too!
Enough...

Today was good..... somewhat (until 4) lazy. I have a sore throat but I am hoping it will pass. It has actually already headed south... thank goodness. That means another 3 days and I should be back to normal..... normal? What's that?

I did go on a run today. It was decent, but i could seriously tell that I wasn't up to my usual self out there. I had not run since Sat. It was too pretty of a day to pass up the opportunity.

O.k.... I am really searching out new music lately. I look forward to keeping you updated on what I come up with. Music totally describes my thoughts. You can ALWAYS tell my mood by my music!!!!! Anybody who knows me well, knows that about me. I don't know if it is b/c that is how I expressed myself as a young child who supressed things. Who knows. Too deep for a Friday night at 11:27 pm......... lets move on... shall we?

I still have not found a word that describes my friend I always talk about. I haven't really searched hard enough yet. I can think of a word to describe our meeting though. It is serendipity.... that means a fortunate accident. I love that word!!! She is great and has really been helpful this week. Again, I explain too much TMI!!!
However, it is a equal playing ground. Miss you friend!!!!

Well..... I am going to back my bags b/c the parents will be here soon. and I want to be ready to bolt outta here!! I am exhausted and will have some wild pups by the time I arrive home.

Goodnight all~
J

No Checks!!!

Well........ Yes my friends, I found out that convienent stores do NOT take checks! I actually found out the hard way. I filled my tank with $33.00 worth of gas and went in to the store to pay. I luckily was very close to my friends office (the special one I ALWAYS talk about). She came up and bailed me out of debt. I wrote her a check. BLONDE MOMENT! Oh well, I learned something new: My friend is even more amazing than I realized b/c she left a conference call to come up there. What a champ! Kelly? Is this familiar?

Lets see...... what else? I had dinner w/ one of my college roommates who is in town. She and her hubby are looking to move here. We did have a great time together.

The kids told me today just how terribly tired I looked......... thanks guys! Then, I saw my friend at the gas station and she said the opposite. I am assuming her new contacts have not yet arrived.

Don't know what else to add.......
I am off to watch the rest of the 3rd season of Sex and the City. I am somewhat like Charolette, but I am also like Carrie in a lot of ways!!!

Tomorrow is FRIDAY! WOO HOO!!


If you are interested, here are the lyrics to the Howie Day song I love so much:

The dawn is breakingA light shining throughYou're barely wakingAnd I'm tangled up in youYeahI'm open, you're closedWhere I follow, you'll goI worry I won't see your faceLight up againEven the best fall down sometimesEven the wrong words seem to rhymeOut of the doubt that fills my mindI somehow findYou and I collideI'm quiet you knowYou make a frist impressionI've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mindEven the best fall down sometimesEven the stars refuse to shineOut of the back you fall in timeI somehow findYou and I collideEven the best fall down sometimesEven the wrong words seem to ryhmeOut of the doubt that fills your mindYou finally findYou and I collideYou finally findYou and I collideYou finally findYou and I collide.

Title? Too many choices!

WOW! I have been really busy. That is nice though b/c I have complained of too much idle time, therefore, I will NOT complain about being busy!!!

Where do I start? Gosh! Let me see...... I had a GREAT MLK day. It was ordinary but good. I saw an old friend and we had a lot of fun getting acquainted! Things are never completely the same as they were years ago, but I suppose that is what life is about..... growing up and moving on! However, some things never change!!!! : )

My Honda is still sad. No word yet on when it will get fixed. Speaking of fixed, my puppy will get fixed on Feb. 10th. Poor little guy. He will miss his friends I am sure b/c they seem to be good friends w/ each other.

My special friend that I always talk about: Well, we actually did find more things to pull off of the shelves from the closet and talk about. I couldn't believe we still had more. But you know what? I bet there is still more.... hmmmmmmmmmm..... I think there is. We got to spend a lot of time together Sunday evening. It was priceless and I willl never forget it. She is one and a million that is for sure. I hope she has Febreeze b/c she got all of my dirty laundry.
I MISS YOU FRIEND!!!!!

I got a massage today............. HOLY COW! It was pretty amazing. Not like other amazing things, but pretty close.

I was introduced to some new cool music this week. I will have to look into downloading some of that onto the trusty Ipod. It was good ol' music.

This weather: IT IS GREAT! Can you believe this is January?

I wore my favorite new jeans today and I still think they are too big. Hmmmm? Nobody said they would stretch. I can still take them back so I just might. However, you never know when you might need them to stretch a bit b/c of a FAT day.

Well, Jeff, I hope this was rambly enough for you. I really am a bit scattered in thoughts today.....as usual!

Hey, I gotta watch Sex and the City b/c somebody told me they thought I was like Charolette. I will have to be the judge of that. I will get back to you on that.

Have fun kids,
J

31 States

Kelly inspired me. It looks like I have made it to 31 states by the age of 30. I hope to get out to the west coast soon.



create your own personalized map of the USA

Tangy

Heard a funny story tonight. Tangy was the word that threw me off the most. It was hilarious. TB told the story and he is freakin funny. I have missed seeing him!

Not too much to tell. I found out that ppl have been reading my blog. That's fun. I went to ANOTHER 30th b-day party. It was someone I really love to death. He is a pretty cool dude, and I think this year will be pretty big for him.

Talked to my friend today........yes, for those of you who commented on this tonight, it is the SAME friend. She really didn't have any new advice for me today other than do what makes me happy! That is sometimes challenging b/c "happy" isn't always clear. However, she is correct. Happiness is extremely important. I will get to see her tomorrow and that is going to be pretty cool. We will probably have a decent time ; ) !!!!! In case you wonder, I give advice to her too. This is not one-sided. Or, at least I don't think it is!!!

O.k.! Jeff, this is for you. I just thought of all of the stuff I wanted to ramble about. Here it is:
Some dude hit my car today. Yes, I was in it. The poor little Honda.....this is the 3rd time it has been hit since I 've owned it. None of them being my fault mind you!!! After the Honda was hit, I then locked my flippin' keys in the dang car. That was a mess. The day just keep bringing up new fun things. I wore my new jeans tonight and I really liked them. However, I feel they are a bit to big, which is good I suppose. I might return them for a smaller size. Hmmmmmm.... it's been a while since that has been the case. I had on lots of new stuff today. It is always fun to have new clothing.

That's it. Not too much to add. I hope my friend is having fun at this moment. She said she had some cool stuff to do after ski clothes shopping tonight.......... hhhhhmmmmmm..... enjoy!

Talk to you later kids.
J

What if you did?

I guess that is a good question! What if you did all the things you WANTED to do and never gave it a second thought. You know, people, money, life, nothing held you back. Not good or bad, you know, just stuff you wanted to do. Would it be o.k.? Would it be good? Could you live like that:?
Just wondering. This question is just one I think about. Could I purchase the jeans that I want w/out caring about the cost? Could I just book a vacation and go w/out thinking about the cost? Unreasonable, I know!!!!

Well...... idle time. What do you do with it and how do you keep it healthy?
I love time to myself but only in small doses! It can be great. Running is a perfect time to be with myself. But other than that, I don't need a lot of time to sit on my thoughts.

Speaking of running, I did NOT run today. Time did not permit me to do so.
I will run tomorrow. I want to enter another race. I need to start working on speed. It is easy to get stuck in a rut and keep trucking along.

Talked to my dear friend today and tonight. WOW!!!!! Who would have known? Somehow, we keep thinking that w/each passing day our friendship has come to its complete circle. We then discover that it is still just forming into a more perfect circle. I adore it. Where did she come from? She mentioned today that as different as our lives can be at times (our place), there are so many parallels! That is the truth. It just keeps getting more and more familiar! How crazy! I can't imagine that we can keep pulling stuff off of the shelves from the closet. What if we do? What else is left up there? Wow. If you read this blog my friend: I love you for so very many reasons. You were right tonight when you said that you can't find a word for it. There isn't one. Maybe we should create one. I will look online to find another word for the most amazing friendship alive. At this very moment, I don't have the words to come up with one of my own. I am good at making up words to go along with my vocab., so here is hoping!! ; )
You are the very best and I don't know what I did w/out you!!!

Well, so many roads to travel in life, and not very many maps to get you there. I will try to take all of the right roads to get me to the finish line, but there are no guarantees! I suppose that is where grace comes in.
Maybe I should name my firstborn GRACE.

Happy Friday~
J

I wanna be a duck!

That is all I can think of at the moment! Today started out w/ a run. It was a beautiful morning here. I sat down on the sidewalk under some shade trees and stretched out. The wind was blowing pretty hard, but it was great listening to the nature around me. Once again, liberating! I just stayed there for a bit wondering what would happen if I just didn't get up until I felt like it. You know, just don't look at the clock and stay until I decided I should go. Well, needless to say, I did look at the clock. Responsibilities lead me home...........

My kids were all really E. D. today. It came out big time. I did notice on my drive home this evening that it is a FULL moon. That explains some behaviors (from many ppl) lately. I found myself feeling E. D. when I left the building today ; ). Who knows, maybe I am!!! ; )

Talked to my great friend today. I felt very distant from her (not her fault). I had things on the brain that I didn't feel we had time to address. I hope she knows it isn't her. This is where supression comes in for the day. She asked about certain friendships and I don't know......that is where this changes paragraphs.....................

Sometimes you know you need to let things go and move on, but it seems difficult to do. There are so very many things I could say, but really you never know who can actually read this and figure out stuff!!!! I know this isn't making sense, but at least I am getting it out. Hhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm???????????????????? I am at a loss for words. Gosh, that never really happens to me. O.k...... you have this crossroads, you know the easy route (the one that is not fun), but you would rather take the more difficult just b/c it looks like it could be more challenging and fun. At the same time, you know that ppl could get all screwed up like that.............. etc! Hmmmmmm........screwed up...... it must be difficult to get unscrewed up.
I bet someone is reading this and thinking.......... "What the hell is she talking about?" You know what? That's o.k.......... b/c I wonder the same damn thing!!! Hee hee!!

O.k! Moving right along. Have you ever wanted to be a duck? I have. Think about it, if you like water, you get to be in it all day. You can put your head under when you feel like avoiding issues!! If you want to be on top of the water just basking in the day, you can do that too. If you want to play w/ others you can and if you don't, you can tell them you are busy exercising your web feet underwater. Hell, I don't know. I wanna be a duck today. I like the water better.

Well, if you made it through this all the way....... CONGRATS! If it sounds jumbled, then you know exactly where I am tonight. If you are thinking, this woman needs a hobby or a job, I have both!
Keep in my mind, it was just one of those days.

And to all a goodnight....................
J

Not much

Not really much to say today. I had a great run. Short and sweet! It was overall a decent day.
My dogs are cute tonight. They just seem cozy and warm. I love them to pieces and don't know what I would do w/out them!
It wasn't a bad day by any means, just weird! Not great, not bad....... just an ordinary day. A little too much think time, but I guess one should be comfortable w/ that. Anybody else have trouble w/ too much think time? I hope I am not the only one out there.

Blah, blah, blah.. I have friend who is having boy troubles. I really don't understand why she lets him hang around. I think he is verbally abusive and it is ridiculous some of the things he says to her. You can't care about a person more than they care about themself. That is my theory anyway.
Goodnight.

Today was great!

I don't know. It seems like there are parts of days that are really good, but all of today was GREAT! Let me start from the beginning!

I woke up, went for a great run, had a good day with the kids, good food, amazing friend, and incredible............. well, day!

That is the day in summary! So, if you enjoyed the summary and don't want more, then don't keep reading.
It was a beautiful day and that always makes for a great run! I feel so free during a run like that. It is liberating!
Got ready for school in somewhat of a rush b/c I lost track of time on the run. That is just the way it works.

School was great b/c ...... well, it just was. It is something about the way I love the kids. They don't have great lives and it really helps me understand the importance of my role in their life. In turn, it helps me to understand that whatever I am going through is not as hard as some of the things they deal with. It really makes me evaluate my situations!

Somehow I ended up having dinner with a student ( and her family) that I taught last year. It was random how it happened. It is always nice to feel special. It was her 12th birthday. I missed her birthday last year b/c of the marathon and it was fun to be a part of it this year.

BONUS: My dear friend (great friend) that I always talk about was there as well. It was incredible when I found out she would be able to come along. Her daughter was there as well whom I love so much. When I zone out on everyone around me talking, b/c of something I start thinking about, it is just great to have her there!!!! What is it? I hugged her like it was the end of the world when I saw her. I don't know, she just is great. What a cool deal b/c I had no idea that I would get to see her today. It is these glances that we can shoot at each other that just make me smile. Like......... she is understanding that I am laughing inside, or that I don't give a rats a** what is going around me, or that I am zoning and she can see that. I JUST THINK SHE IS GREAT! I can't even really call her a great friend. It isn't like that to me. It is more like seeing my sister that I haven't seen in a week. For those of you who have a sister or a friend that is like your sister, you know exactly what I am talking about. It is the feeling in heart that you get when you see them. Got it?

I arrived home and then things were great. Wine is a beautiful thing. The second glass makes it better. Ho hum............
Now, I sit here typing and realize how sleepy I feel. It is time to close this and retire for the evening. Tomorrow is supposed to be beautiful and so I must rise early for a run! Thanks for reading. I am sure these post will slow down as I will have more responsibilities as the next two weeks approach.

Have a great night. Friends are a beautiful gift in life!!!
Goodnight.

The Bachelor

Ok....... so I did watch the bachelor tonight. It was the first one for this season. I will say that Travis is indeed a beautiful man. I can say that as far as his physical features are concerened. I believe it is important to know someone inside and out before you can tell if they are a beautiful person. I have indeed met the perfect and beautiful man for me. That is a cool feeling. The media can be not so good for you sometimes though..... puts crazy thoughts into your head!!!

I have to say that woman can say the STUPIDEST things sometimes. Why, when you meet a man for the first time, would you discuss how your eggs are rotting and you are ready to make your clock stop ticking. That is the dumbest thing I can imagine saying on a date! It was crazy to hear some of the wild things the girls said to Travis. Oh well....... just glad it wasn't me.

I saw the Dr. today! Blah... really my options are either the same as before or expensive. I don't know. It isn't who I am to make decisions like this but I guess it is that time in my life to have to make them. I can't really say that I have a positive attitude about it b/c it is an uncomfortable situation physically! Who knows what will happen. I just look forward to 06' and what it has to offer to so many of my friends! I have several friends who seem to be in a holding place.

This seems to be the year for turning 30. It has been a fun time of celebrating with those who are. My time was about 3 weeks ago. It wasn't that bad! I actually look very forward to my thirties and what they will deliver. When I look back on my life (or at least the last 12 years), I have had a GREAT life! There are many goals that I have reached and many more to come.

I talked to my great friend tonight. She is sooooooooo caring. She is busy and she constantly takes time out to talk to me and help me with clarity about anything. Today it was clarity about my appointment. Basically I told her it seemed unfair and she was affirming. I guess, more than anything, I appreciate her honesty and affirmation when she sees that I need it. Somehow she always knows exactly when I need it. That is a really intuitive person! Then again, she is one SMART cookie. It looks as if we will have some fun time coming up again soon to spend together. She is just INCREDIBLE. It would be great if everyone had a friend like her. The only thing I regret is that I didn't meet her sooner in life. Also, I worry that I don't spend enough time building her up b/c she is busy building me up. I don't want to be an energy drainer to her........ o.k... enough!

Well...... I am out of stuff for today. I think....
I did get back to school and that was great. The kids were great and I remember how good it feels to be loved by them. It is an incredible feeling to be missed and loved like that.

Now I am really out of stuff. I will be headed to bed........ I hope to sleep! I am very sleepy. Goodnight and thanks for reading. I know.... I know... I ramble! It is who I am!!!! Hee hee. OH, one more thing....... today was one year since I ran the Disney marathon!!!! Go me! That was one of the life goals that I was talking about. I LOVE RUNNING!!! RUN ON...... RUN ON!
J

Good Friend and tomorrow

1. Tomorrow is a new day and for today I am thankful for many things. I sit here and try to imagine my life w/out one of my very dear friends. For some reason, she understands me better than I think I can understand myself. What is interesting about her is that she keeps things really real with me. We share many things that can appear to be TMI for most friendships. When I don't feel like talking to anyone else, for some reason, she is the one I can REALLY talk to. She is definantly like the sister I never had. We are in very different places in our lives, but things seem to always make sense to her as to whatever it is that I am going through. I love her so much for understanding me and not hiding her thoughts from me. She always seems to express things in a way that make me feel so much better about a situation. I really enjoy talking w/ her one and one and it seems as though our time together goes so quickly. It would be great to have a ton of uninterrupted time with her, but it seems as though this time in life doesn't offer that. She is just a true sister. I can't imagine life now w/out her. If she moved away, that would be devastating!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TO PIECES!!!!
2. Tomorrow is a doctors appt. for me and I really don't know what to think about it. I know I will have several options, but I am also a person who doesn't like to necessarily plan things out in advance. This entire situation that I am in is really crazy to me. I don't like it and I wish it would just work itself out. The title of my blog is WHY b/c I feel like I have this HUGE question mark over my entire life. It is just a really strange feeling. Has anyone else ever experienced this? Of course you have, but when you are going through it, it seems like you are the ONLY one.
3. I am glad the holidays are beyond us and I look forward to winter leaving us. It is still 2 good months away until spring. The weather lately has felt like spring and for that I am grateful!! : )
4. I will look forward to a new day. I always like to get the nights past me these days. I only hope that we can have the rest of January to be this beautiful then I will be in good shape! Why has this past holiday season been so difficult........ hmmmmmm.......
5. Thanks for reading.
6. Have a good night. I would love some words from someone else who had a difficult holiday season.

Lunch with special friends!

Today I had lunch with a really good friend. I can't say we answered the question "why?" but we sure did try! It is amazing what can happen to a friendship when two people become real w/ each other. This has been a great start to 06' with new developing friendships! I hope this year continues to be this great.