Doesn't it drive you crazy?

You know how sometimes stuff drives you crazy and you don't know why? Isn't it even worse when something IS wrong and you don't know what it is?

Things that drive me crazy:
*when I don't know what is wrong with me
*when ppl ramble to me about their crap but don't ever take a breath to listen to others
*deadlines/timelines
*bitchy ppl
*ppl who don't listen
*ppl who don't stand up for themselves
*ppl who don't have a passion or know what theirs might even be
*when you work hard at showing love for someone and they "don't know how" to show it back
*dirty clothes
*dishes
*not being able to poop ; )

I know~ I am being really pessamistic right now but I am trying to type it out to figure out what is wrong! I can't figure it out. I HATE not knowing what is driving me crazy inside!

I want to love and then be able to shut it off when I don't want to feel it anymore! I wish more than anything I could do that .... SHUT IT OFF WHEN I WANT TO!

Happy Hump day tomorrow~
J

Vulnerability

Loving makes you vulnerable! I was told once that the most vulnerable state that you can be in is when you love unconditionally. Have you ever thought about that? If you love without fear or condition, it makes you extremely vulnerable! Think about it.... this can be very scary. Loving unconditionally also means being TRANSPARENT! Think about it: Transparent. YIKES! I don't know about you, but there aren't many people in this world who I can be transparent with. In fact, I only know of one person who has seen me transparent.... only ONE!

There are many ways to love and be vulnerable:
1) In a marriage relationship
2) Parent/child relationship
I could list a few more but these are just a couple of examples that make me think of being vulnerable.

For someone who feels the need to push away and not get too close, I can say that loving unconditionally and without fear is very challenging! I have felt in my heart before so close to someone that I just wanted to run b/c it terrified me to love like that. It was a love different than any other. I wanted this love, I was afraid of it b/c I didn't want to face the rejection of not being loved back the way I felt like I was going to love this person. I still feel like I am afraid to love them too much for fear of my love being rejected at some point in this life!

You know, I was raised to where it was easier to push away when you began to feel too much love or vulnerability to someone. I learned to love, share your love, and walk away fast before you got too burned. I guess that is why in some ways I fear bringing new love(s) in to my life. It is so much easier to keep things at arms distance, but at the same time, life is meaningless without the love like I have experienced. MEANINGLESS!!!

I am so thankful that I have been given certain people in my life to love more than life itself. Have you ever wondered what you would do w/out certain people? I wonder that often. Life is not supposed to be easy or safe. I can only hope that I never push or detach from these people.
I LOVE this feeling inside of me. I wish that I never felt hurt or the need to want to separate my love.

Thank God for being able to know this kind of love. I can't imagine my life without knowing this love! So thankful...................

Hugs,
J